I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed our communications. The information you have conveyed so well has prepared me in many ways — from eating to exercise, from expecting pain after surgery to dealing with plateaus. So thanks so much for your sharing, help and personal experiences. — Patricia
You are the best source of information and support I have found! — Dana K.
After communicating with you, I'm deeply moved and feel like I have found someone who is going through profound experiences very much like my own. I studied up on the WLS process for 11 months prior to having my procedure, but never in all my reading did I come across any significant discussion on the early pre-op months and the related emotional and physical challenges. Thanks for your gift!
Reframing with A Gratitude Attitude
by
Glenn Goldberg, Weight Loss Surgery Coach, J.D., R.C.
Originally
printed in the Winter 2004 issue of WLS Lifestyles
My attitude is the control center
of my life. That’s why at every step
of my Weight Loss Surgery process, “reframing with a gratitude attitude” has
proved to be one of my most powerful and productive stress-reduction and
life-improvement tools. It’s helped me to reach my goal weight within
a year of my surgery, and to successfully cope with the Emotional Rollercoaster
Ride of post-op recovery.
People who gratefully reframe as they move through their lives tend to be
happier, more successful, more resilient and more resourceful than people
who haven't
yet learned the skill.
Reframing means looking at a situation from a different,
more positive perspective to reduce stress and struggles. There are an infinite
number of ways we can
view any set of circumstances. While we may not be able to choose what happens,
we can always choose how we think about and interpret what happens, so that
we can learn from it. This is the essence of reframing.
When I slip on my “imaginary
spectacles” to take a fresh and grateful
new look at a troublesome situation, my changed perspective helps me feel better
and more hopeful. I do much better with hope than with self-pity.
When I reframe,
I actively seek out and focus upon the positives in what may otherwise seem
to be a negative set of affairs. Approached with a gratitude
attitude, even difficult circumstances begin to unfold and reveal the Blessings
Within. In the process, reframing transforms my feelings of frustration,
anger, resentment and victimization into feelings of appreciation, insight,
and strength.
Reframing helps me change my feelings by changing how I see and understand
a situation.
You’re probably already familiar with the reframing process. You just
may not have a name for it. In your life, is the proverbial glass half-full,
or half-empty? Suppose you drive to the supermarket and you’re initially
upset that you can’t find a parking place close to the store. You’ll
have to walk farther, and it will take longer. That’s how I used to feel,
before my surgery, when I felt personally insulted by the inconvenience and
my bad luck.
Today, given the same situation, I automatically shift into reframing
gear. I become grateful for the gift of another opportunity to speed walk
and burn
some extra calories. It’s that simple. Nothing has changed, except for
the “frame” I hang around the reality of the situation. Before
I was aggravated; now I’m grateful and pleased. Reframing allows me to
look at the same event with new eyes so that I can respond differently. By
changing my perspective, I find that I can transform my attitude, results and
experience. I’m learning how I can make delicious and nutritious lemonade
from Life’s Lemons.
Reframing with a gratitude attitude is a surprisingly
simple process, and practice makes perfect. First, step back and remove yourself
emotionally from the situation
so that you can see and understand it more clearly and objectively. Next,
reach for your “gratitude attitude spectacles” and try them on while
you ask yourself the kinds of questions that can unlock the treasure of hidden
blessings:
What can I be grateful for in this situation? What are the gifts
in disguise?
Are
there any potential positives in this matter? How else can I view and
interpret what’s going on?
What can I learn from this?
How would I advise a friend to more positively reframe
a similar situation?
I want to share some examples of how reframing has helped me achieve my WLS
goals, and how it continues to help me today in every aspect of my life and
my work.
When I first decided to have Weight Loss Surgery, I felt weak, humiliated
and full of shame because I couldn’t “do it myself”. After
I became better informed, and dialogued with many other WLS patients, I came
to understand that I suffered from a medical condition (obesity) that required
a medical intervention (WLS), and I felt strong, proud and hopeful. Nothing
had changed but my understanding of my obesity, my acceptance of my reality,
and my reinterpretation of my condition and prospects.
When I first learned
the rates of death and complications from the various bariatric surgeries,
and heard the horror stories about patients who had died,
I feared surgery because I feared dying on the table. However, after I learned
the overwhelming odds that I’d be dead sooner rather than later without
substantial weight loss, I reframed and embraced the surgery. My embrace of
Life, my loved ones, and my unfinished work proved to be much more powerful,
and much more persuasive, than my fear of Death.
When we cleaned all of the
sugar, junk and binge foods out of our kitchen cabinets in preparation for
my surgery, I was distraught because there was no “good” food
left in the house. I quickly reframed: my body is my sacred temple and it deserves
no less than nutritious and healthful food. I appreciated how much easier it
would be for me to stay with my program when the only food in our home is food
that is truly good for me.
Early in my post-operative recovery, I found abundant
opportunities to use reframing. Before my WLS, exercise was painful and inconvenient.
My back would
ache after even a short walk. My “real work” – i.e. the labors
that generated income to support my family – always seemed to be far
more important than my “body work”, and without it being a top
priority, my exercise never happened. Why torture myself, I rationalized, when
I had other more pressing priorities, and besides, it’s useless and hurts
so much?
Immediately after my surgery (when it still hurt to exercise), as
a part of realizing my commitment to do everything I could to make WLS work,
I rewrote
my “real work” job description to include an hour of vigorous daily
exercise. I explicitly made my daily exercise Job One, as important as my income-generating
work and my attending to the needs of others in my life. I realized that if
I failed to take care of myself, I wouldn’t be around to make a difference
for others. The difference after surgery was that I had my eyes fixed on The
Prize (health) and The Promise (actually my bariatric surgeon’s promise)
that if I followed his eating and other directions, exercised for an hour a
day, and did the other footwork, I would achieve my goal weight in a year.
I did, and I did.
That Glorious Prize, beckoning me to my future, and that
Precious Promise, assuring me I could succeed, made all the difference in
the world for me. I
now had convincing reasons for pushing myself through the pain: it would
bring me to the place where it wouldn’t hurt to move. As a direct result,
today exercise is a joy, not a burden, and it’s my guarantee against
Any Return To Obesity. Instead of getting stuck in the drudgery and difficulty
of daily
exercise, I now choose to experience it as my meditation and centering time,
and enjoy the natural endorphin high that results. Every day presents new
opportunities to move my body, and every movement burns up calories, firms
up my body and
contributes to my endurance and health. I used the same reframing to carry
me through my difficult bouts with nausea, vomiting, constipation, diarrhea,
and other challenges I faced down in my early WLS recovery.
When I traveled
in Cuba and Great Britain for two weeks last summer, I was eight months post-op.
Because I am severely limited in the food that I can
digest, I was unable to find anything I could eat without discomfort, either
in stores or restaurants. That first night in Cuba, when my companions
dined at a charming little place, I felt sorry for myself, resentful and deprived,
and was inclined to waste the evening perched on my Pity Pot. With reframing,
I made a different choice, and I’m so glad that I did.
Rather than wallow
in my sorrow, I left for what turned out to be a magical evening stroll and
adventure on the Havana waterfront. I met wonderful people,
sang with street minstrels, lost a few pounds, and got a feel for the city
and culture that I never would have enjoyed if I had stayed at the table
and sipped bottled water while my family feasted. I also discovered another
precious
gift: freedom. I could survive, even in a foreign culture, with only bottled
water, my REAL MEALS protein powder, my Juice Plus supplements and multivitamins.
I could travel anywhere and still take care of my nutritional needs. That
realization turned pain into gain.As I moved farther away from my surgery date,
my reframing
yielded even richer Just Desserts. I was reframing my weight, my surgery
and my life at an accelerating pace.
Instead of bemoaning my food limitations as
an insufferable burden, I’ve
realized that they give me confidence and freedom, and assure my success. Without
the Temptation of Choices, I remain committed to maintaining the eating and
exercise plan that has brought me to my goal weight, and I relish my new Lightness
of Being.
I’ve been able to reframe my relationship with food. Food used
to be one of my dearest and most intimate friends, companions, playmates, and
sources
of solace, celebration and comfort. Today, food is a Fuel that I use to power
and sustain my body. I make sure to get my emotional and social needs met elsewhere.
When
I watch TV commercials, instead of feeling excluded because I can’t
eat those foods any more, I focus on my positive feelings. I choose to feel
relief at being out of that game, and celebrate my liberation from difficult
food choices. I feel deep inner joy that food no longer runs or drives my life.
I derive great pleasure from knowing that I’m now strong enough to resist
the siren call of advertisements for food.
I’ve transformed how I experience
and respond to “head hunger” --
that phantom pang that poses as my appetite, but is really a trigger to consume
calories in order to manage my feelings. Today, I choose to interpret those
false Head Hunger signals as a message from my body that it needs to move.
I do that, and while I’m walking or working out, I take a fearless look
at what’s really going on with my feelings and decide how to best address
and resolve them. I’m grateful for the gift of heightened awareness and
the help in dealing with my feelings as I avoid unneeded calories and consumption.
I’ve
even reframed my “bat wings” and the other folds of
sagging excess skin left behind to commemorate my weight loss. At first, I
felt embarrassed and ugly. I was also outraged because this flab was not really
me, and occupied precious extra inches around my waist, thighs and behind.
Without it, I’d be even thinner and trimmer. Today, my sagging skin is
my Pink Badge of Courage, a reminder of where I was and where I am and eloquent
testimony that I’m never going back to my Former Fat Self.
I’ve
turned around my relationship with my Fat through reframing. As I grew up,
a part of me truly believed that my Fat kept me safe, and protected
me from judgments, hurt, and intimacy. Today I’m clear that this was
just another phony story that I told myself. My fat isolated me, held me back,
and kept me from getting so many of the results and relationships that I needed
to be fully and completely happy and self-content.
Over time, and through reframing,
I moved from believing that My Fat Was My Fault, to a much sweeter and more
positive place of knowing, with a certainty,
that I have always had everything I needed to lose my excess weight and become
healthful – except for the tool of WLS. This led to a wondrous paradigm
shift in my self-image, feelings of competency and responsibility.
I’ve
used reframing to help me do the tough, courageous things required to become
and stay healthy. I’m energized when – in the immortal
words of Jiminy Cricket – I accentuate the positive and eliminate the
negative.
Through Thick
