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Through Thick and Thin #27 (August 15, 2003) Dealing With Questions About WLSI recently returned from my joyful 35th reunion of my "junior year abroad" class in England. It was a wonderful opportunity to catch up with my dearest college friends and community. Most of the group had seen me at or close to my most obese (or seen pictures of my former huge self on my websites) and they were stunned, congratulatory and asked an endless stream of questions about this strange and wondrous thing called WLS and how it had changed my life.
I rethought this approach on the long, seemingly interminable flight from Seattle to Houston to London. So I was prepared for the onslaught of questions and fielded them with a distinctly different attitude and manner. What ultimately changed my attitude and response to questions about my dramatic weight loss and transformed appearance was remembering when I suffered from obstructive sleep apnea. I had to sleep with a mask and a C-PAP apparatus to force ambient air down my throat passage to keep it open and keep me breathing. For whatever reason - probably because I had already pretty much cast off my sense of shame about this particular medical condition - I decided, from the outset, to speak openly about my sleep apnea. I even initiated the discussion whenever people mentioned snoring, restless sleep, waking up fatigued, or any of the other indicators of sleep apnea. The result was incredible, and deeply gratifying: my sharing about my sleep apnea directly led several others to be tested in a sleep lab, where they were diagnosed with sleep apnea and got the medical device that had saved my life and may have saved theirs. (When sleep apnea and obesity combined to close my throat passage during sleep, I stopped breathing - several times each minute - and this can be a potentially fatal condition if untreated.) As I thought about the lives that were eased or saved by my openness about my sleep apnea, I quickly decided that it was important - my ethical imperative - to be just as freely open about my morbid obesity and subsequent Weight Loss Surgery. For me, it was the right choice. Although none of my classmates were morbidly obese, virtually every one had a friend or family member who was, and who had given up on ever restoring their health, comfort and vitality. Who knows what seeds I planted through my sharing? My belief and hope is that every time we share, openly and candidly, upsides and downsides, about our obesity and WLS with others who are respectful about these topics, we just may be setting into motion a chain of events that may help others who are still suffering find help and hope. So, at my reunion, I made the time to answer fully and honestly every question about every aspect of my WLS and post-op recovery. Questions were asked and answered about virtually every aspect of my experience. Why did I choose such a drastic intervention? What were the risks? How painful was the surgery? How long and difficult was the recovery? How expensive was it? Why can't I eat normally now? Why am I always drinking water? Why do I walk instead of taking a taxi in London? How has it affected my energy levels and my work life? How has it affected my sex drive and sex life? How has it affected my relationships with my wife, family and friends? How do I socialize without centering the interaction around food? What about diarrhea and constipation? Will I waste away to skin and bones after I've reached my goal weight? What does it feel like to wear clothes off the rack again? Knowing what I know now, would I do it all over again? Is it appropriate for morbidly obese children and teens? I returned home with a new attitude and behavior pattern when it comes to answering questions about my weight, surgery and body. I still don't spill my story with everyone who compliments me on my appearance. But when I sense that people are genuinely curious and will be respectful in hearing my story, I share it. I'm always sure to give a balanced presentation of the pluses and minuses. And I feel so good knowing that my openness may prove to be the key that opens the lock that has been shackling a Brother or Sister of the Scale. How do you choose to deal with personal questions about your decision to have the surgery, or your post-op experience? I'd welcome your sharing. GlennClick here to read another newsletter. Copyright, © 2003, Glenn Goldberg. All rights reserved.
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Through Thick
I had, of course, anticipated The Questions. Living in a small rural town in the Pacific Northwest, sooner or later nearly everyone in town has witnessed my relatively rapid and amazing transformation from a morbidly obese man ("You'd be so handsome if only..., etc.) to an Invisible Man, approaching normal weight, average appearance, and blending in. Until my trip to England, I had been cautiously selective in what to share with whom. While I graciously accepted the congratulations and compliments, I choose to share my WLS surgery, experience, triumphs and struggles only with those relatively few dear friends and colleagues whom I trusted and loved.