You have been an immense inspiration and to say that I have shared many of your thoughts, dreams and fears would be an understatement. I am rendered almost, almost mind you , speechless at how helpful I have found you to be.
— John T.

What a gift you are! As you talk about your experience, your honesty and gut level feelings make this new lifestyle achievable for me. Thank you so much for your experience, strength and hope.
— Tammy D.

You are so honest, true and to the core — I love it. You provide an enlightening reminder that, although food is a big part of our lives — it's not the only part of it. I feel blessed
— Terri

Through Thick and Thin #35 (December 1, 2003)

From Lowered To Great Expectations

Now that I'm close to my ideal weight, I'm really enjoying shopping in thrift stores. Last weekend, visiting with family on the Oregon coast, was a Peak Shopping Experience. This was one of those huge places that offers great prices, but they don't arrange their clothing by size. Thousands of shirts, pants, sweaters, sports coats and other great stuff displayed on endless aisles. I found my rhythm, speed-walking down each aisle, glancing at each potential treasure and waiting until a particular item spoke to me. Many did. Shirts and sweaters with gorgeous bright colors, stripes and decorations of every kind. Jeans and dress slacks cut in every style known to tailors. It was paradise for me, and my joy kept growing.

As my pile of loot grew, Kari and I suspended the process to explore my obvious exhilaration and the reasons for it. What emerged surprised, and sobered, me.

My words cascaded out. I shared how incredible it felt to absolutely love every piece of clothing I selected. How much fun it was to be able to wear stripes, spots, bright colors and everything else that I had been taught to shun, on penalty of embarrassment and humiliation at looking even more fat than I was. I reminisced, yet again, about the ordeal it had always been for me to go shopping for any piece of clothing that had to be sized. I gushed on and on about how different and thrilling it was now to expect clothes to fit and to look terrific on me. We talked about our wonderful, recent mutual discovery: that jeans and other pants actually have different styles and cuts, that one can choose what kind of look one wants.

Kari reminded me, with the understanding and wisdom she always manifests, that the clothes shopping experience should be entirely about picking only apparel that I really treasure. I say "remind", but actually I never knew this.

Talking it out, I realized that I've spent my entire life as a Clothes Consumer carrying around awfully low expectations with respect to what I had the right to have. I was so focused on bravely and cheerfully accepting bland, style-less, shapeless, ugly clothes just because they fit (more or less), that I never even considered the novel concept of being entitled to choose clothes that I loved. So it was a revelation for me to realize that I had definite tastes and preferences (like horizontally striped shirts and tight, form-fitting jeans, instead of those baggy, boxy monstrosities I wore all those years.)

Can you relate to what I'm talking about? Have there ever been times when you settled, and have been grateful even for "scraps" when it came to clothes?

My explosion of insight didn't stop there. I started taking stock of all of the other areas of my life where, as a Fat Man, I expected and accepted, with appreciation, so much less than I was entitled to enjoy. I was flooded with memories, most bittersweet, about all of the times, in all of the domains of my life, where the Story I Told Myself was that it was ok with me to be left out or get second best once again. It was a painfully disturbing story of sadly, terribly Lowered Expectations.

So many times and occasions -- growing up, in my relationships, at work, and at play -- when I felt that second-class status was the best that someone like me could expect. Like the time I couldn't join my daughter on a horse ride because the stables had weight limits -- or all those amusement park rides or exciting physical adventures I couldn't join -- or the jobs or relationships that could never be. I put myself One Down, and everyone else One Up, because I was fat and they weren't.

How much have I held myself back in my life because my expectations were so low, because my self-worth was so impaired? How much has this been true for you?

The good news is that today, I love, accept and value ALL aspects of my self -- mental, emotional, physical and spiritual -- and I have such Great Expectations about what I deserve! Not just clothes that I treasure, but a relationship that thrills me, a Right Livelihood that fulfills me, and a life that I love. And I finally know that's not asking too much.

Glenn

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